Surprise! Our family is excited to share that our third child, a baby boy, is due this summer.
For those who have followed our family over the years, you know that becoming parents has not been an easy road. I truly never thought I would be writing this post, much less announcing a 7-month pregnancy after so many previous pregnancy losses including a stillbirth, miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, and the loss of this baby’s twin (Baby B) earlier this year.
(I’m hoping to share more about Baby B one day. But that loss is still very hard for me to think about and hurts so much. I’ll need to sit for a while to find the words to talk about that experience.)
But somehow against the odds we are here in the third trimester with Baby A, a healthy and very active baby boy. There were times in the past few months when we were filled with anxiety and doubt, especially when we lost Baby B. But with the support of our families, Adam and I are finally starting to feel joy and excitement again.
(Also, I promise we aren’t calling him Baby A forever, it just kinda stuck around! He does have a real name…)
Our son Andrew is thrilled that all his wishes for a baby brother are coming true. He’s already telling everyone all about his little brother and the adventures they will go on together. (Top of the list: camping, making s’mores, and trick-or-treating.) Andrew loves to come over to me throughout the day to tell the baby what’s on his mind. And at night he just wants to snuggle in and fall asleep curled up with me. Watching Andrew’s excitement grow has been the most rewarding experience. I just hope and pray that finally, finally, everything will be OK and all those dreams of his will come true. I can’t wait to see Andrew and his little brother together for the first time!
My absolute favorite moment of this entire pregnancy was a few days ago at the beach. Andrew was playing with his favorite beach toy – a brightly-colored, plastic dump truck. He filled the truck bed with water then turned to me and shouted, “Hey brother, watch this!” and poured the truck out over his head while cackling. It was so silly and felt like a sneak peek at many years of “look mom, no hands” type shenanigans to come from the two of them.
But still…Adam and I know better than anyone that the future is totally uncertain and unknown. I avoided saying anything about this pregnancy until now for a reason. My anxiety was brutal for months. There were nights when I cried for hours with uncertainty about our future. The accident that led to Liam’s death played on repeat in my head. I worried that posting something would “jinx” this pregnancy – a painful remnant of a time when grief convinced me that his death was my fault. I didn’t plan to keep this pregnancy a secret. Every time I started to type something out, I got too nervous to post it on the blog. (That’s why I haven’t posted since October.) Honestly, I still struggle with those feelings. I don’t think I will be able to fully relax until this baby is born safe and sound.
But Adam and I have learned that the only way forward is to celebrate every little milestone along the way. Friends and family make those little celebrations even sweeter. So we want to share now, to hopefully enjoy these last two months of my pregnancy. Every day spent carrying this precious new life is a day closer to him arriving safely. And then we get to love on him and watch him grow into who he’s meant to be!
Please keep our little ones in your thoughts as we navigate the last few weeks of this pregnancy – Andrew that he can step into his role of big brother proudly and Baby A that he is able to stay put a bit longer and get big and strong before he joins our wild (and sometimes chaotic but always fun) family.
Thank you! With love from the Caracci family.
PS: an update
